I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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