I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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