believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize