Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My dad just said "fuck circus"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
