i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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