508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
last night I used snow as a chaser
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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