Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
