i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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