Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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