I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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