Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
