you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
