I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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