your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
