This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My life is pants optional.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
