I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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