i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
