even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
As shirtless as possible
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You pole danced in your parka.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Who died my cat blue again?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
