There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
