He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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