thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
