I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize