whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
