when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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