I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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