You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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