How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
