piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
