mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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