I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
