their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
