I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
