Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
