dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize