then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
