it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
