Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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