It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
