I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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