If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
