M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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