My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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