I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Your cock deserves a montage
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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