Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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