Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
