theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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