dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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