i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
