Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
