I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize