I think my fart just growled at me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
