apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
