Sry I called you an 8
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
