Just fell off a train. Bad.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
