Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
