it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
