I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
