He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
