It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
