You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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