If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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