hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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