sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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