i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
