Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
