I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
