I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
