Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
