i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
