so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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