kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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