So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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