Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
