Non-Jews are for practice
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
