Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
