just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
