This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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