Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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