i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
