she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
