Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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