I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
