Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
