life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
