So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
