at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
