Nicole vs. Life
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
