Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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