I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
