Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
