The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
