Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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